Weight Watchers

No matter how I do each week for the next 6 weeks (of which I expect to be a 12 week weight loss period), I will be here on the blog, Identi.ca, Twitter and Facebook ranting about it every Sunday.

Last week we did it from 9pm until 11pm because of a mix up. Today I will be available from 9:30pm until the end of #MadMen, which is 11pmEST. So come on to the intertubes and share your stories of loss, love, transition and change.

C'ya :)

So today is the second day of my 6 week fitness plan. Everything that can go wrong has. My Xbox (which is my VCR) is not working. The kids 'puter crashed as well. So out went the DVDs and in came another 25 minutes in the morning of vigorously awakening aerobics.

Yes I am actually waking up, putting on a bra and immediately stretching and working out for 25 minutes. I have to say, it doesn't beat morning sex* but working out that early and that fast feels really go.

That's two days in a row of morning exercising that I actually have enjoyed. Something's definitely shifting  --and I hope it's not my boobs, 'cause I gotta get to that Christina Hendrick's shape I was talking about yesterday :D

I didn't "exercise" yesterday in the afternoon but walked for about one hour running from place to another all around downtown. I was running errands, so that earned me another 30 minutes of solid activity (am actually downpointing the walking on account of the stops and shopping).

What else? Am hungry. Not like really really hungry but I definitely notice there's something missing. I did east 6 times yesterday for a total of 31.5 points. Today I've only consumed 11.5. I have to increase the amount of 0 point food 'cause am really noticing the hunger.

Ooooh! I discovered that an espresso with a teaspoon of sugar --which is exactly how I take it-- is ZERO POINTS! That deserves a total fucking w00t! I don't have to go through caffeine withdrawal after all.

What else? Oh, I've noticed I have a bit of a "Diet" Coke/Pepsi habit. Am putting a stop on that. Am substituting with soda water and a splash of fruit punch or any other juice delicacies. Read more

It's an affirmation I forget repeatedly but it's one I have to remember particularly during this difficult time in my life. It's hard to change a life and a routine after 20 years of thinking the present will be as it is forever. It's hard to peel away from the known, the comfortable. Yet life is always change and I often forget that --and am not sure that at the age that am at if it is a good or bad thing to reckon that I haven't prepared myself for the next 40 something years of change.

Better late than never, I guess.

Today I start a 6 week weight loss and fitness plan but as with everything I do with my life, it is so much more than about shedding 46 pounds. Looking at myself in the mirror I can see that my body is stuck with the things I don't have but wanted so desperately.

Like this belly that used to be a flat stomach with smashing abs. It wants a baby. Desperately. Yet that's not going to happen with the man I chose to be the father of my children. He doesn't want anymore. That's not a life he wants to share anymore. And so my belly has been throwing a tantrum for the past 3 years waiting to be round and full with the kicks of another baby.

I've got to teach it to let it go. Let it cry. Let it grieve. Then, move on.

Shedding the pounds is more about me shedding the weight of grieving a life that's not to be --at least not in this marriage. It's about letting go, moving on.

It's also about shedding the shame. Am mortified that I've been so caught in the drama of what I don't have that I've completely glossed over 46 pounds of extra weight. That's a lot of not having that has buried my old me.

So for the next six weeks am going to play archeologist of my self. See what's left of the old Liza under these layers of fat, grief and shame. Read more